SEPTEMBER 13, 2020 BY PATRICK L GREEN
I’m grateful to my Transgender child! We have been on this road together for six years now and I’ve discovered beauty beyond the binary. Over these years I have made friends with (and dated) other parents of transgender children. I have met so many transgender adults who have befriended me and allowed me to not be an ally, but a friend. Then there are heroes and advocates fighting tirelessly for equality, acceptance, legal protections and civil rights. These beautiful people have expended my very small world into something more wondrous.
My world used to be very binary and bland. It feels a lifetime ago, but in truth, I entered this century as an evangelical Christian pastor who thought that being gay was a sin and marriage was reserved for only a husband and a wife. Everything outside of that was less and wrong.
By 2010 I would believe that it was okay to be LGBTQA+, but I still felt there was some nebulous “issue” that still needed to be discussed by the church world at large. The queer community would just have to be patient while we, the wise and ruling cis het “normies” figured out the best path. We claimed to be allies in the progressive and mainline church. The truth is, most of us sucked at it and those still in the church do.
Now, in 2020, that man I was is a stranger to me. If we were to meet in some breach of space and time, I suspect we would not like each other very much. That said, there is no one else I would rather be than the man I am right now. For all my problems, struggles and mistakes, I live in a far more beautiful world because I followed my child into a larger world.
What Has Changed?
I used to believe that there were only two genders. Those genders were solely connected to your genitalia. Men had a penis. Women had a vagina. That was it. Oh, there were some people who were intersex, but they were such a minority it could be fixed with a surgical procedure and the problem was solved.
Now I exist in a world where genitals and gender are no longer bound together. There are no longer 2 genders in this new world. I do not know how many there are, but there seem to be a lot. We have names like Transgender, two-spirit, cisgender, non-binary, genderqueer, gender fluid, gender neutral, and a plethera of pronouns.
This world is not easily defined and in that lack of definition is wonder and beauty as you learn new ideas, genders, pronouns and terms that are ever growing. Colonial mindset suppressing understanding is bland compared to this wonder.
Gender identity and sexual orientation have nothing to do with this, but as my mind expanded I learned that family has definition that are beyond a monogamous couple. I’ve met during this time people who are polyamourous. Even this is not so simple. Mono/Poly, Poly/Mono, triad, quad, full quad and so much more.
I have had the honor of meeting so many beautiful families that have such lovely and diverse dynamics. And there is one thing that bonds these families together. Love.
The church, even the progressive and mainline, dares to dictate who can be accepted fully based on sexual orientation. They also speak a lot about who can be in leadership, who can be married, how many they can marry, and what gender identities are valid. But there is one more step that is often taken. What is and is not allowed in sex. There are even stipulations that dare to claim that one spouse can not deny another what they are “entitled” to.
Sex in this post binary, post mono only rule is amazing!
At the core of any sexual encounter has to be consent, communication and trust. After that, the sky is the limit. Kink, tender, aggressive, and on and on.
To all of the beautiful gifts in my life. Thank you for showing me a world with countless genders, diverse families, and the truest joy of healthy sex positivity. My world is larger, more accepting, wonderous, beautiful, and pleasurable. It is an honor when you call me ally, but it is an even greater wonder when you call me friend and family and lover.
I could never go back to being anything like that smaller man and his bland world.
This world that you have invited me to and guided me into is the world we need to preserve. Over three years ago I wrote about how important it is to not just affirm my child, but to celebrate them! I celebrate not only my kid, but all of us in this world beyond the binary. This is a world full of wonder, beauty, acceptance, diversity, trust, consent and love. This is a world worth not only celebrating, but fighting for.
It is wrong that priests and politicians get to even have a discussion of the validity of this world. Many of them want to suppress it and make the reality the world I thought I lived in before. That was a world my child rescued me from it just by being true to them-self.
Vote. Fight. Protest. Survive!
If you think for one moment that you are less. If you have been made to doubt yourself for being you and loving who you do, please hear my plea. Hang on. You make the world more beautiful and I am thankful to you and beholden to you.
I Need Your Help
I need your help now more than ever before. I’m facing housing scarcity if I do not come up with another $2,000 yesterday. If anything I have written has had value to you, help me. This is all I know to do, write and ask.
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